Weird Al Yankovic Unreleased Songs

1.If I Could Make Love To A Bottle

If I could make love to a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
I'd search the world over to find one
that had the exact same circumference as you


2.Kidstar 1250 Radio Promotion


Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Oh, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Hi
This is Al
But you can call me 'Weird', as is 'Weird Al'
'Weird Al' Yankovic

I'm not home right now
So feel free to come over and go through my refrigerator
Well, I guess you gotta find my house first

Anyway, like I was saying, I'm not home right now
So stay on the line until I return

OK, well, that might be a while, so I tell you what
I'll patch you through to my favorite radio station, how's that
It'll keep you totally entertained
It's Kidstar 1250, radio just for kids, and it goes something
like this


3.Laundry Day

You gotta keep 'em separated

You like the latest fashions
You'd like to keep 'em clean
You take a trip every week to the laundromat
Throw a load in the washing machine

But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes
You gotta sort 'em out first as everyone knows
Remember bright colors and the others don't mix
Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up
Hey

Are your undies turning pink
Take 'em out (You gotta keep'em separated)
Hey, are your cottons gonna shrink
Sort 'em out (You gotta keep'em separated)

Hey, then when it's time
You can stick' em in the dryer
You can hang 'em on a line
Hey, it's laundry day


4.Leisure Suit Serenade

Wearin' old T-shirts and grubby jeans
People say I look kinda odd
Well, I'm never accepted in the social set
'Cause they say that I'm a clod

But once in a while, I go to my closet
And I put on something mod
And when I step out in my leisure suit
People stand up and applaud

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade

Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent
If it's got nylon twenty percent
Now I'm as cool as the ASB president
Leisure suit serenade

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah
That's the leisure suit serenade


5.Matter Of Crust

Some bread, you can get bargain-priced
And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice
But you know it will go stale again
Always does, its just a question of when

I've lived long enough to have learned
The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of crust


6.Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Me

Well, I stare at myself in the mirror
When I wake up every morn
And I marvel at how great I've been
Since the day that I was born

I've made so many albums
I've run out of things to name 'em
My fans all want to be like me
And really, who can blame 'em

Teenage groupies all surround me
I guess I know why
No one else can match my charm
Why do they even try

All the girls in college
Turned me down for other fellas
But I know why, it seems to me
They're just insanely jealous
Who wouldn't be

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect
I just want you to see
That I've never met a person
Who's as wonderful as me

Now, I'm not arrogant or haughty
And I'm certainly not conceited
But anyone trying to match my wits
Is very soon defeated

I'm a marvellous human being
I'm just one big hunk of man
Sometimes I have to marvel
At how very great I am

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect
I just want you to see
That I've never met a person
Who's as marvellous, spectacular
Fantastic and terrific
And so very great and wonderful as me


7.Nobody Here But Us Frogs

Oh, I've really got those ozone layer blues
From my elbow down to my shoes
So let's throw another fire on the logs

Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine
With genuine Columbian lima beans
Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic
There's nobody here but us frogs

I'd like to find a girl who really cares
About the size of my nasal hairs
She could feed bananas to the dogs

We could climb the church and look down from the steeple
Where all the ants look like people
Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say I'm crazy
But I couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes I do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs

I never trust a naked Eskimo
And don't you eat that purple snow
Revolting and disgusting
My belly button's rusting
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say I'm crazy
But I couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes I do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs
I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot
And Wilshire Boulevard's a Commie plot

Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent
Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant
Superblier commended, eccentric and demented
There's nobody here but us
Nobody here but us
Nobody here but us frogs, I mean it
Nobody here but us frogs


8.Pacman

(one, two, thray, four)

I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's Pacman
Yeah it's the Pacman

I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots
They call it Pacman
Yeah it's the Pacman

At the game arcade, they say I'm hard core
I can play all day 'til my hands are sore
And I quit my job just to play some more
But I won't give up 'til I break high score


Well it's the Pacman
Yeah it's the Pacman

Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(Pacman, get the cherry)
So I'm gonna sell my house today
(Pacman, eat 'em up)

I'm playin' Pacman
Yeah it's the Pac-ma-an

Hey mom, I won't be home this year
(Pacman)
Please forward all my mail right here
(Pacman)
I'm at the Pacman
Yeah it's the Pacman

And you're playing with no one but me
Pacman


9.RealRadio 104.1

with polka music in the background]

Hi
This is 'weird Al' Yankovic fresh off my Alapalooza World Tour
When I'm not busy signing autographs
Fighting off mobs of beautiful women
Making gold albums
And counting my big pile of money
I listen to the Russ Bowe show on Realradio 104.1


10.School Cafeteria - Version 1

Is it on？ Okay
1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 6
Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
A school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can get a taco and get Bubonic Plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

Say, boys and girls, tired of being skinny
Eat a school lunch today
All starch and cholesterol
Absolutely no protein
Remember, fourteen million teenagers can't be wrong

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today


11.School Cafeteria - Version 2

Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
You know a school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can buy a taco and get Bubonic Plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

After sixty-three years in the business
Our cook still hasn't got The Knack
And all the food in the school cafeteria
Comes from CARE packages that were sent back

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today


12.Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don't
Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts
Mounds don't


13.Take Me Down

Someday I'm gonna pack up
And then I'm goin' back up
To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean
That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
I've got to get back
To that city today

If you're new in town
Then you'll wanna look around
But you don't know where to begin
Well, there's Bubble Gum Alley
And the local car rally
Not to mention the toilets at Madonna Inn

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
I've got to get back
To that city today

It's not much of a hassle
To drive up to Hearst's Castle
And it's not too far from Pismo Beach or Morro Rock

You can visit downtown at your leisure
Because for your shopping pleasure
The stores never close down until five o'clock

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old SLO town
I've got to get back
To that city today


14.Take Me To The Liver

I'd like to do some more songs about buildings and food
This is a song about liver, very high in protein, very good for
ya
Hope you like it

I don't know why
You feed me so bad
Think of all the health food
I could've had

You took-a my yogurt
And my whole wheat bread
You give me Ding Dongs
And Twinkies instead

I wanna know
Can you tell me
When is it going to end

Take me to the liver
Push it on my platter
Give me a piece of liver
Oh, drop it on my platter

Scarfin' it down
Scarfin' it down


15.Take The 'L' Out Of Liver

Take the L out of liver
And it's iver


16.The Ballad Of Kent Marlow

You did a really rotten thing
And let Scout take all the blame
You wrecked his reputation
And left that poor boy in shame
Yeah, but now I think it's time
To show who really did the crime
Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, lyin', worthless hunk of slime

Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, cheatin'
Lyin', no good, lousy, stinkin'
Back stabbin', scum suckin', worthless hunk of slime


17.The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory)

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
'Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!'

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, 'It tastes just like chicken!'

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why？
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes Virginia, Now Santa is dead Some guy
From the swat team blew a hole through his head
Yes little friend now, thats his brains on the floor,
I guess they wont have the fat guy kicking around anymore
But now there's no more presents for children's enjoyment
And the Elves have to wait in the line and file for unemployment
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was sick of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain


18.Ugly Girl

Wanna go for a ride？

Sure Ken!

Well forget it!

I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl
Said I have it, I should bag it!
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair!
I'm a relation to Frankinstein's creation!

Your so ugly,
You disgust me!

I'm a sad,
Homely girl,
All alone in the world
I'm as flat as board
Thin and lengthy

You're a doll
Get a troll
Were you hit by a train？
Don't come near me
'Cause your breath is stanky!

Don't get touched!
I'm afraid!
'Cause guys say,
I'm an eye sore!

I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl
Said I have it, I should bag it!
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair!
I'm a relation to Frankinstein's creation!

You're so ugly,
You disgust me!

Boo hoo, hoo, yeah!

You're so ugly,
You disgust me!

Boo hoo, boo hoo!

Oh let's go out and have some fun!

I'm sorry,
But you're too damn ugly!

Oh, screw you, Ken!

Acne everywhere,
Unwanted facial hair,
I'm a relation to Frankinstein's creation!

You're so ugly,
You disgust me!

Boo, hoo, hoo, yeah!

You're so ugly,
You disgust me!

Boo hoo!
Boo hoo!

Oh let's go out and have some fun!

I'm sorry,
But you're too damn ugly!

Oh, screw you, Ken!


19.We Got The Beef

Had ourselves a little barbeque
Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too
Joe got the Fritos, Ernie got the stew
So what did you bring

We got the beef
We got the beef
We got the beef
Yeah, we got it

(We got the beef)
Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef)
Grab a hunk of ？？？ beef (we got the beef)
Chuck daddy (we got the beef)
Now, ground round by the pound

We got the beef (we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the)
We got the beef


20.Weenie In A Bottle

It feels like I've been alone too long,
With no girls around
My mamma's wondering.
Thinking of some way,
to release it.

I looked in the kitchen,
Saw some Crisco Oil,
And that's when my bladder started to boil,
Ooooooh yeah.

Ow, Ow, Ow!
(Uh oh!)
Ow, ow, ow!
(Oh God! What did I just do？)

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.
It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Gonna shove it up there all the way.
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
Oh no,
Can, can, someone come help me out？

It's turning purple,
All the feelings gone,
Now where did I put that friggin' phone？
Dialing 9-1-1!

Please pick up!
I'm in a lot of pain!
This was supposed to feel good,
Now I'm suffering,
Oh, please answer!

Denver 911, what is your emergency？

Ow, Ow, ow!

Hello？

Ow, ow, ow!

Sir, what seems to be the problem？

No one wanted to be with me,
Had to make my dream come true,
I wanted to hump something,
I didn't know what to do.

Go on!

It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
And now I can't get it out!

You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
Oh my!
You must feel really lonley, guy.
You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
That's a first!
Don't worry sir,
We're sending somebody out!
Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!

No way!

He does!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wait, wait...
Sir, we're sending somebody out.
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!

He's in here,
Let's break the door down!

They break the door down.

Oh my God!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

No one wanted to be with him,
Had to make his dream come true,
He wanted to hump something!

I didn't know what to do!

It seemed like a good idea,
And no one else was around,
He stuck his weenie in a bottle--

And now I can't get it out!

Ok kid, relax
We're going to get this thing off of ya!
OK, get ready,
PULL!

OWWWW!!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
Now, now, now I can't get it out!


21.Won't Eat Prunes Again

It was just the other day
When we went to Joe's Cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the Worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
'Try a little if you dare'
'Nothing can compare'
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce


22.You Don't Take Your Showers

You don't take your showers
You don't use Ban Roll On
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some Airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use Ban Roll On
And you don't take your showers anymore


23.Young, Dumb ＆ Ugly

We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation 'round these parts
We only leave a ten percent tip
Sometimes we don't return our shoping carts
Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly

We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You can't imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, our names spell trouble
T-R-U-B-E-L
Reaisin' hell, bendin' the rules just a little
We're livin' only for thrills
We squeeze our tooothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
You better believe it
We're young... young, dumb and ugly
I'll tell you again
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
We're comin' to your town
Yeah, we're young... young, dumb and ugly

We're wild, reckless men, we're on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control
Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal
We're there wherever trouble's starting
We're rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And keep our library books 'till they're way overdue

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
You can't stop us
We're young... we're so young, dumb and ugly
Young, dumb ＆ ugly
We're young... we're young, dumb and ugly
So ugly
Young... dumb... ＆ ugly


24.Wannabe Stromtrooper

I gotta get off this planet

Tatooine is such a hell hole
Why the hell do I even bother？
I ain't got no future here
I probably spend the rest of my life here
Fixing moisture evaporators for the townspeople
Or repairing droids for pocket change
Fending off the sand-people...
poor sand-people...
Look what they've been reduced to...
i bet with a little education and a homeworld
they could make something out their lives
but nothing will ever get better
here in grimy cuthole of space

i should join The Empire
i know there evil an all
but they're a good kinda evil
the uniforms are way cool
and they get to travel and most of us dont
And chicks dig Stormtroopers...big time
their like...intergalactic rockstars
stormtroopers get laid men, but not me
if i want a little love, i got to hitch a ride to mos eisley
50 cents for a wookie prostitute
50 seconds pleasure
and 50 years of regret...wookie love is pointless
my life is pointless
i gotta get ya of this planet


25.What If God Smoked Cannabis

If god had long hair and a goatee
And if his eyes were pretty glazed
If he looked spaced out
Would you buy his story
Would you believe he had an eye infection？

And yeah yeah god looks baked
Yeah yeah god smells good
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
What if god smoked cannabis？
Hit the bong like some of us
Drove a tie-dyed microbus
And he subscribes to rolling stone

If god made this place, in the beginning
Did he plant any seeds？
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve
So they'd be hungry for the apple
That the snake was always offering

And yeah yeah god rolls great
Yeah yeah god smells good
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
What if god smoked cannabis？
Do you suppose he had a buzz？
When he made the platypus
When he created earth our home
Does he like pearl jam or the stones？

And do you think he rolls his own
Up there in heaven on the throne
And when the saints go marching home
Maybe he sits and smokes a bone


26.Genius in France

Lyricist：Alfred Matthew Yankovic

Well, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box
Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks
I barely even know how to put on my own pants

But I'm a genius in France, yeah
Genius in France
Genius in France

Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka

I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese
I got a negative number on my SATs
I'm not good lookin' an' I don't know how to dance

But nevertheless an' inspite of the evidence
I am still widely considered to be a genius in France
Genius in France, genius in France

People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak
An annoyin' pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique
If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week

But when the mademoiselles see me, they all swoon an' shriek
They dig my mystique, they think I'm 'C'est magnifique'
When I'm in Paris, I'm the 'Chic-est of the chic'

They love my body odor and my bad toupee
They love my stripy shirt and my stupid beret
And when I'm sippin' on a Perrier
In some cafe down in St. Tropez

It's hard to keep the fans at bay
They say, 'Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait
Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait'

Hemenene humenene
Himenene homenene
Poodle, poodle

Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool
Got too much chlorine in my gene pool
A few peas short of a casserole
A few buttons missin' on my remote control

A few fries short of a happy meal
I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the
heel
Instructions on the heel, instructions on the heel

But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants
Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants
And if you ask 'em why, you're bound to get this response

He's a genius in France, genius in France
That's right, he's a genius in France, genius in France
You know it, he's a genius in France
Genius in France, genius in France

I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree
They say, 'Bonjour, monsieur, would you take ze picture with
me？'

I say, 'Oui, oui'
That's right, I say, 'Oui, oui'
'Oui, oui'
He says, 'Oui, oui'

I'm dumber than a box of hair
But those Frenchies don't seem to care
Don't know why, mon frere
But they love me there

I'm a genius in France
Yeah, I'm a genius in France

Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes
Gonna make those Frenchies scream
'You ze man, you ze man, you ze man'

Like a fine Renoir, I've got that je ne sais quoi
Like a fine Renoir, I've got that je ne sais
Quoi, quoi, quoi, quoi, quoi, ooh wee ooh
Quoi, quoi, quoi, quoi, quoi, ooh wee ooh

Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy bow

I'm a taco short of a combo plate
But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great
Oh, the men all faint an' the women scream
They like me more than heavy cream

When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy
My, oh, my, I'm 'As French as apple pie'
They think I'm awfully witty, a riot an' a half
When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh an' laugh

People in France have lots of attitude
They're snotty and rude, they like disgustin' food
But when they see me, they just come unglued
They think that I am one happenin' dude

Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm

I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball
But they like me better than Charles Degaulle

Entre nous, it's very true
The room temperature's higher than my IQ
But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu
How did this happen？ I don't have a clue

Well, I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm
I don't have any skills or grace or charm
And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants

But I'm a genius in France
Genius in France
Genius in France

And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back
I'm never never never never goin' back home again
I'm tearin' up my return flight ticket
Gonna tell the folks back home where they can stick it

'Cause I'm never goin' back
I'm never goin' back
I'm never goin' back

The girls back home never gave me a chance
But I sho' 'nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance
And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance

But 'Great Googily Moogily'
I'm a genius in France

Every Frenchie that I meet
Just can't wait to kiss my feet
Get in line, pucker up, toute suite
Bowm diddy bowm diddy bowm diddy

I'm gettin' even more famous by the hour
I'm stuffed with pastries an' drunk with power
Now they're puttin' up my statue by the Eiffel Tower

A little more to the left, boys
A little more to the left
A little more to the left, boys
A little more to the left

I'm the biggest dork there is alive
My mom picked out my clothes for me 'til I was 35
And I forgot to mention
I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention

But the Frenchies think
That my poop don't stink
I'm a genius in France

Say, would you pass the Grey Poupon？
Merci beaucoup


27.food medley as performed in 1985 - 01

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 01
I had a pizza,
Covered with cheese.
I wrapped it all up in aluminum foil,
Stuck it back in the freeze.

Look at my crust now,
See what I mean.
It's getting all wrinkled,
And my pepperoni is hairy and green.

Ah, 'cause it's moldy now,
It got moldy fast.
How can I
Make leftovers last, make leftovers last？

I was so hungry,
What could I do？
I finished the pizza
And topped it all off with some mystery stew.

Now I feel kinda queasy,
Yeah, yeah, what can I say？
So I called my physician
To wish him that he'd make a house call today.


28.food medley as performed in 1985 - 02

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 02
Woah, 'cause he's my doctor, doctor,
And his name is Bernie, Bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
I'm feelin' pretty dismal.

Doctor, doctor,
And his name is Bernie, Bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Where's my Pepto Bismol？


29.food medley as performed in 1985 - 03

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 03
The first steak I ordered,
It wasn't very hot.
I had to send it back,
Let 'em have one more shot.
But the second steak I ordered,
Well it was lousy too.
Now I really hate to say it,
But there's one thing that you gotta do.

Make me steak number three, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make me steak number three.


30.food medley as performed in 1985 - 04

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 04
Burger King!
What's the price for fries？
I'll take the jumbo size!
I need fast food tonight!


31.food medley as performed in 1985 - 05

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 05
Hey! Oooh! Oh!
One rule you all should obey：
Eat from the four basic food groups everyday.
Have bread, and vegetables too,
Some dairy products, but whatever you do

Don't you forget about meat.
Don't, don't, don't, don't,
Don't you forget about meat.


32.food medley as performed in 1985 - 06

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 06
I know to keep a woman satisfied.
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide.
They're always in the mood for something to munch.
Ah girls, they wanna have lunch.
Ah, girls just wanna have...

That's all they really want,
Some lunch.
Don't ask 'em to dinner
Or breakfast or brunch,
'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch.
Ah, girls just wanna have lunch.

Girls they want, wanna have lunch, girls, wanna have...


33.food medley as performed in 1985 - 07

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 07
Fat and weak, what a disgrace.
Guess the champ got too lazy.
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space.
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.

But he's no bum, he lives down the street.
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say,

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're on special tonight.
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions,
I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser.


34.food medley as performed in 1985 - 08

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 08
I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool.
Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school.
Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old,
Vanilla just leaves me cold.
There's just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me!
Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need.

Baby, I love rocky road,
So won't you go and buy half a gallon, baby？
I love rocky road,
Now have another triple scoop with me!
Ow!


35.food medley as performed in 1985 - 09

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 09
Oh, oh, here she comes.
Boy, she likes that processed meat.
Oh, oh, here she comes.
She's Spameater!


36.food medley as performed in 1985 - 10

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 10
Baby, when we go to parties,
I drink a buncha beer.
Then my tummy starts a-grumblin'
Feelin' queer.

And then I feel like
I feel like throwin' up!
I feel like throwin' up!
Feel like throwin' up on you.


37.food medley as performed in 1985 - 11

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 11
Avocado,
What makes you think you're so holy？
You're gonna be guacamole before too long.

Oh, you're a green one,
You know that you're out of season.
You'd better let somebody eat you,
Let somebody eat you.
Ya better let somebody eat you
Before it's too late.


38.food medley as performed in 1985 - 12

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 12
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!

Way down inside!
Woman, you need
LUNCH!


39.food medley as performed in 1985 - 13

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
food medley as performed in 1985 - 13
Goin' to the market now, market now.
I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer.
Walkin' down the shopping aisle, shopping aisle,
Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer.

Never gonna stop, eat it up,
Such a tasty snack.
I always eat too much, and throw up,
But I'll soon be back
For my-my-my-y-y woo!

M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my-my-my-y-y woo!
M-m-m-my bologna.
M-m-m-my bologna.
M-m-m-my bologna.
M-m-m-my bologna!


40.Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Weird Al Yankovic

Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore
and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from
When the warden whacked it so hard

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would
be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

They got paid for their sound bytes
And sold their TV movie rights

And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night
that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah
Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah

Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah
Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah


41.Eat It!

How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Cap'n Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well don't you know that other kids are starvin' in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kinds of foods you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off you're plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it... eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it

Have some more chicken
Have some more pie
It doesn't matter
If it's boiled or fried

Just eat it, just eat it
Just eat it, just eat it... Woo!

Your table manners are a crying shame
You're playing with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death
You'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it. Just eat it.

You better listen, better do as you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down, or it's gonna get cold
So eat it.

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it... eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it

Have some more yogurt
Have some more Spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Don't you make me repeat it!

Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch

Just eat it! Eat it!
Eat it! Eat it!
Eat it! Eat it!
If it's too cold, reheat it

Have a big dinner. Have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back

Just eat it! Eat it!
Get yourself an egg and beat it!

Have some more chicken. Have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried

Just eat it! Eat it!
Don't you make me repeat it!


42.Phoney Calls

Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Phoney Calls
Phoney Calls
Weird Al

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening
And you're stuck inside the house all alone
That's when you decided it might be fun to harass someone
Dial a random number up on your telephone
You ask if their refrigerator is running
Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it
Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from
They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet
Listen to me
Don't go makin' phony calls
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
I know that you think it's funny drivin' folks up the wall
But it's really gettin' old fast

Little Melvin has a natural obsession
Askin' for Prince Albert in a can
He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call
To some guy he doesn't know who lives in Japan
He's callin' strangers up at three in the morning
Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four
He won't be laughin when they're tracin' his line
One day the phone police will be there at his door
Yo, hear me

Don't go makin' phony calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
Swear someday I'm gonna yank that phone cord right out from the
wall
How long is this phase gonna last？
Come on

Moe's bar, what'll ya eat, beat or drink？
Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there？ Last name Rotch.
Hold on. I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody
seen Mike Rotch lately？
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to
catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an
ice pick!

Don't go makin' phony calls
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
You went through the New York City phone book and prank called
'em all
Hope that you grow out of this fast

Dont' go makin' phony calls,
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
Betcha think it's funny when you're drivin' folks right up the
wall
But you're just a pain in the aaa....


43.Pretty Fly For A Rabi

Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Pretty Fly For A Rabi
Pretty Fly For A Rabi
Weird Al

Vern zol fun dir a blintsa

(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of'em were nudniks and none of'em would last
But ournew guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to die for - he really knows his shtick

So how's by you？ Have you seen this Jew？
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Working' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day
Just say 'Vay is mir!' and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
Just grab your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will suffice
He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say 'Mazel tov!'
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like？ What's not to like？
Oh high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white break with mayonnaise
Put on your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip
The parnets pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!

(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!
(How ya doin', Bernie？) Oy vey, oy vey!

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says, 'Shalom!'
And 'Have some cake-You want some cake？'
Yeah he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz!
So grab your yarmulka--
The one you got for Chanukah--
Let's put on our yarmulkas and--
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!


44.Mr Popiel

Yankovic Weird Al
In 3d
Mr Popiel
I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel？)
Help me.
Mr. Popiel!

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Popiel!

Help me.
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!

(Wo-o, wo-o. Ohhhhhh.)
It slices. It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn't want to!

Mr. Popiel, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no! Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new？
Mr. Popiel!
Tell me, what am I s'posed to do？

Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!

(Now how much would you pay？)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay？)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(Now how much would you pay？)
If you order today,
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay？)
Now how much would you pay？
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.

Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popiel. I want it!
(Mr. Popiel.) Well, I need it!
(Mr. Popiel.) I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
Hey!


45.Cabletv

Yankovic Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Cabletv
'Cable TV'

I used to think my life was so empty,
I used to think life was passin' me by.
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die.
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company.
Well, they hooked me up, and plugged me right in,
And now I got cable TV.

And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean,
Midget wrestling on Channel Three.
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em,
Yeah, but that's all right with me.

I got cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy.
I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.

I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network,
The news and weather from Peru,
I got Celebrity Hockey,
The Racketball Channel too.
Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta,
Mr. Wizard is on at five.
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car,
So I can watch MTV while I drive.

I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs,
The kind you just can't get for free.
Now I never wanna leave my apartment,
'Cause there's just so much for me to see.

On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me,
You know where I'll be.
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah,
Watchin' my cable TV.
'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.

My friends are gettin' kinda worried,
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak.
Oh, but they're just jealous, 'cause I've seen 'Porky's'
Twenty-seven times this week.

On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
Well, I gotta have cable TV, yeah,
I need my cable TV.


46.Polka Party

Yankovic Weird Al
Polka Party
Polka Party
Contains music ＆ lyrics from：

Sledgehammer
Sussudio
Party All the TIme
Say You, Say Me
Freeway of Love
What You Need
Harlem Shuffle
Venus
Nasty
Rock Me Amadeus
Shout
Papa Don't Preach
Ear Booker Polka


47.Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N

Yankovic Weird Al
Uhf
Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N
They showed up on my doorstep
Just a couple weeks ago.
They looked so sweet and harmless.
Tell me, how was I to know？
They got a little too close to the microwave,
And then much to my surprise,
They grew to forty thousand times their original size.
They started mutatin' right before my eyes, oh my.

Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.
A race from a distant place, they came in UFO's shaped just like
Cuban cigars.
Man, oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal.
Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel.
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.

The president, he's in a panic.
The Pentagon, they're in shock.
There's a team of research scientists.
They got 'em workin' 'round the clock.
Now the National Guard is out in my backyard,
And the Marines will be comin' around.
I hope they get these lousy rodents out of my town,
'Cause the property values are goin' way down, now.

Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack,
and they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars.
I hope they're not plannin' to stay.
Who invited them here anyway？
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.

Well well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp,
And there's one the size of Central Park.
They're usin' telephone poles to pick their teeth.
They're evil and nasty, and they glow in the dark.
Well don't waste any more of your bullets, boys.
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot.
They're gonna stomp us into jelly, and conquer the world.
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute now.

Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.
What a racket they're makin', Jack,
they keep me up at night playin' their electric guitars.
Listen to 'em squeal.
They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel.
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars.
Hey, Jack, you better watch your back,
here come those Hamsters from a planet near Mars.

Well, well, it's called the
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters
＞From a planet,
A planet near Mars.


48.Money For Nothing, Beverly Hillbillies

Yankovic Weird Al
Uhf
Money For Nothing, Beverly Hillbillies
Beverly.
Beverly Hillbillies.

Now, looka here, people, listen to my story,
A little story 'bout a man named Jed.
You know somethin', that poor mountaineer,
They say he barely kept his family fed.
Now lemme tell ya, one day he was shootin'.
Ol' Jed was shootin' at some food.
When all of a sudden, right up from the ground there,
Well, there came a bubblin' crude.

Oil, that is. Well, maybe you call it
Black gold or Texas tea.
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale,
And be a Beverly Hillbilly.

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin',
Yeah, Buddy, move away from there.
That litle Clampett got his own cee-ment pond.
That little Clampett, he's a millionaire.

Now everyone said Californy
Is the place that you oughta be.
We got to load up this here truck now.
We got to move to Beverly.
Hills, that is.
Swimmin' pools,
Move-a-move-a-movie stars.
Huh, looka that looka that.
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
Y'all come back now, hear？
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)


49.Walking Around In Women's Underwear

Lacey things your wife is missin'
Didn't ask for her permission

I'm wearin' her clothes, her silk panty hoes
Walkin round' in women's underwear
In the store there's a teddy
with little straps like spagette
It holds me so tight like handcuffs at night
Walkin' round in women's underwear
In the office there's a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He'll say 'are you ready？' we'll say 'WOW! Man...lets wait until
the wife is outta town!'
Later on if you wanna, we can dress like Madonna
Put on some high shade and join the parade
Walkin' round' in women's underwear
Lacey things...missin'
didn't ask permision
wearin her clothes, her silk panty hoes
Walkin' round' in women's underwear
Walkin' round' in women's underwear
Walkin' round' in women's underwear


50.Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep)

Wierd Al Yankovic
Miscellaneous
Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep)
If you're having trouble with your barn yard friends, you got a
thing for euws.

You're counting sheep, but you're not in bed. Here's what ch'ya
got a do.

Get off the barn, stay off the farm. Go read a nursery rhyme.
Don't ring 976-BAAA, it kinda loves a crime, hey.

(Chorus)
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!
Dirty deeds. Little Bow Peep!
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!

Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep.
Dirty deeds and they're done with sheep.
(End of chorus)

My friend Larry has a little lamb, her fleece is white as snow.


He keeps bragging 'bout her everyday, someone should tell him
no.

Look at the flock, they're all in shock. Here comes that mutton
fan.

Knock out the fleece, give them some peace. Don't be a barnyard
man. No.

(Chorus)

Velcro gloves, knee pads, late night dates, done with sheep!

Warning signs, electric fences, high voltage! Done with sheep!

Dirty deeds. Don't tell them what what I did to you. Done with
sheep!

Dirty deeds. Dirty deeds! Dirty deeds! Done with sheep!
Aoooooohhhhhhhhh. Quiet cattle, I think the shepard's coming.


51.Threes Company Perodie(not Weird al)

Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Threes Company Perodie(not Weird al)
come and knock on our doors(2)
well call the police on you (2)
'Cause were the evil neighbors and were comming to you：

Well call the SWAT or F.B.I and sick them on you in the blink of
an eye (yeah)!!!

Or even the special Ops and get you hauled away before you can
say 'ooohhh crap'

(gun shots and evil laughes by the threes company)!!!!!!!!!!


52.The Jedi song

Wierd Al Yankovic
Miscellaneous
The Jedi song
A long long time ago,
in a galaxy far away,
Naboo was under an attack,
and i had thought me and Qui Gon Gin,
could talk the Federation in,
to maybe cutting them a little slack,
but their response it didnt thrill us,
they locked the doors and tried to kill us,
we escaped from that gas,
and met Jar Jar in Boznas,
we took a Bongo from the scene,
and we went in fee to see the Queen,
we all wound up on Tatooine,
thats where we found this boy.

Oh my, my, this here Anikin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now his just a small fry,
he left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye,
singing soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
soon im gonna be a Jedi.

Did you know this junkyard slave
isn't even old enough to shave,
but he can use the Force they say,
and you see him hitting on the Queen,
though he's just nine and she's fourteen,
yeah his probly gonna marry her someday,
well i know he built c-3po,
and i've heard how fast his pod can go,
and we were broke its true,
so we made a wager or two,
he was a prevalecent flying ace,
and the Medajava started off that race,
well I knew he'd win first place,
oh yes, it was our boy.

We started singin,
my, my, this here Anikin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now his just a small fry,
he left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye,
singing soon im gonna be a Jedi,
soon im gonna be a Jedi.

Now we finally got to Coraucaunt,
The Jedi council we knew we'd want,
to see how good the boy could be,
so we took him there and we told the tale,
how his medichlorians were off the scale,
and he might fulfill that profacy,
oh the council was impressed of course,
could he bring balance to the force,
they interviewed the kid,
oh training they forbid,
because Yoda senced in him much fear,
but Qui Gon said now listen here,
just stick it in your pointy ear,
I still will teach this boy.

He was singin,
my, my, this here Anikin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now his just a small fry,
he left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye,
singing soon im gonna be a Jedi,
soon im gonna be a Jedi.

We caught a ride back to Naboo,
cause Queen Amidala wanted to,
I frankly would of liked to have stayed,
we all fought in that epic War,
and it wasnt long at all before,
little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day,
and in the end some Gundhams died,
some ships blew up and some pilots fried,
alot of folks were croakin,
the battle droids were broken,
and the Jedi I admire most,
met up with Darth Maul and now his toast,
but I'm still here and he's a ghost,
I guess I'll train this boy.

And I was singin,
my, my, this here Anikin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now his just a small fry,
he left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye,
singing soon im gonna be a Jedi,
soon im gonna be a Jedi.

we were singing,
my, my, this here Anikin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now his just a small fry,
he left his home and kissed his Mommy goodbye,
singing soon im gonna be a Jedi.


53.your horoscope 4 today

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
your horoscope 4 today
AQUARIUS!

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the
back of a speeding bus! Fill that void in your pathetic life by
playing Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day.

PISCES!

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leo's- with the ebola virus! You are
the true lord of the dance- no matter what those idiots at work
say.


ARIES!

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that
40-pound watermelon in your colon! Trade toothbrushes with an
albino dwarf then give a hickey to Meryl Streepe!

TAURUS!

You will never find true happiness. Whatcha gonna do cry about
it？!？ The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of
stuff, and then go back to sleep!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Thats your
horoscope for today! (x2)

GEMINI!

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive
flagilance! Your love life will run into trouble when your
fiance hurls a javelin through your chest!

CANCER!

The position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the
week facedown in the mud! Try not to shove a roll of duct tape
up your nose while taking your driver's test.

LEO!

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to
your boss's face, oh no! Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding
and wash it down with a gllon of Strawberry Quik!

VIRGO!

All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent- except for
you! Expect a big surprise today- when you wind up with your
head impaled upon a stick!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! That's your
horoscope for today! (x2)

Now you may find that inconceivable or at the very least a bit
unlikely that the relative positions of the planets and the
stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that
exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my
assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on
solid,scientific, documented evidence so you would have be some
kind of moron not to realize that all of them are absolutely
true- where was I？

LIBRA!

A big promotion is just around the corner- for someone much more
talented than you! Laughter is the very best medicine- remember
that when your appendix burst next week!

SCORPIO!

Get ready for an unexpected trip- when you fall screaming from
an open window! Work a little bit harder on improving your low
self-esteem, you stupid freak.

SAGITTARIUS!

All your friends are laughing behind your back! Kill them. Take
down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got
hanging in your den!

CAPRICORN!

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but,
you know they're lying! If I were you I'd lock my doors and
windows and never never never never never leave my house again!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
That's your horscope for today! (x4)


54.Let's Bomb Iraq

Yankovic Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Let's Bomb Iraq
(These lyrics are from ear so there might be mistakes)


Lets bomb Iraq yet let's attack and my missles are a crusin'
givin me a bruisin in Iraq. Sitin on a plane I'm feelin your
pain and to win in an election you don't have to be insane bomb
Iraq bomb bomb bomb bomb Iraq.
What will you do the day that I'm crule and I bome another
country that is nastier than you, bomb Iraq bomb Iraq be so
damned if I do Saddamed if you don't Bomb Iraq bomb bomb bomb
bomb bomb KABOOM.


55.Bob (best version)

I man am regal, a German am I.
Never odd or even. If I had a Hi-fi.
Madam I'm Adam. Too hot to hoot.
No lemons, no melon. Too bad I hid a boot.
Lisa Bonet ate no basil. Warsaw was raw.
Was it a car, or a cat I saw？

Rise to vote sir. Do geese see God？
Do nine men interperate？ Nine men I nod.
Rats live on no evil star.
Won't lovers revolt now. Race fast safe car.
Pa's a sap. Ma is as selfless as I am.
May a moody baby doom a yam？

Ah, Satan sees Natasha. No devil lived on.
Lonely Tylenol. Not a banana baton.
No X in Nixon. O stone, be not so.
O Geronimo, no minor ego.
Naomi, I moan. A Toyota's a Toyota.
A dog, a panic, in a pagoda.

Oh no Don, Ho! Nurse I spy Gypsies, RUN!
Senile felines. Now I see bees I won.
UFO tofu. We panic in a pew.
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo.
God, a red nugget, a fat egg under a dog.
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog!


56.Rocky Road

Wierd Al Yankovic
'Wierd Al' Yankovic
Rocky Road
I hear those ice-cream bells
and I start to drool,
I keep a couple quarts
in my locker at scool,
Yeah, but chocolates gettin old,
and vanilla just leaves me cold
There's only one flavor good enough for me, yeah me!
Don't gimme no crummy tastespoon,
I know what I need
(Chorus)
Baby I love rocky road,
so want you go by half a gallon baby,
I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with
me.....OWWWW!
They tell me ice-cream junkies are all the same, all the soda
jerkers know my name, When thier supply is gone, then i'll be
movin oooon, but i'll be back on monday afternoon you'll see
another truckload's comin in for me, all for me
(chorus)
Singin I love rocky road, so want you go by half a gallon baby,
I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with
me.....OWWWW!
When I'm all alone, I just grab myself a cone, and if I get fat
and loose my teeth that's fine with me, just lock me in the
freezer and throw away the key,
(Chorus)
(Repeat 4 times)


57.Barney's on Fire

Wierd Al Yankovic
Miscellaneous
Barney's on Fire
Happened one day in the studio
Dancing around in a dosey do
The purple monstrosity was waving his arms
We were falling victim to his evil charms
He brushed against a candle and he started to smoke
Now we're all laughing at the dinosaur joke
Oh boy, Barney's on fire
It's what we've always desired
We'll watch the flames get higher
Just don't try to put him out

Purple fur was flying, ashes every where
All of the kids just continued to stare
The guy inside the suit, he started to yell
We probably should have helped him
But what the hell

He threw himself violently against the wall
He fell to his knees and he tried to crawl away

Oh boy, Barney's on fire
This is our secret desire
We'll help the flames burn brighter
But don't you try to put him out

(Break it down for me fellas)

(I love you, you love me ＊screaming＊)

Oh boy, Barney's on fire
This is what we've always desired
Won't you help us fan the flames higher
And you better not try to put him out
Barney's no longer ignited
We're feeling somewhat slighted
He's laying in a heap on the floor
We poked him with a stick 'cause we had to be sure
He was dead


58.which backstreet boy is gay

Wierd Al Yankovic
Miscellaneous
which backstreet boy is gay
we are on fire,
we have desires ,
but one is that way,
one backstreet boy is gay.

and we,dont want to be mean,
since noe hes a queen.dont ask please,
which backstreet boy is gay？

tell me who,
aint saying that its aj,
tell me who,
aint saying that its howie,
tell me who,
i never wanna hear you say which backstreet boy is gay？

now i can see him,
hes in womens clothes,
but he dont need an id,
yeahhhh.

he likes village ppl
hes playing crochet,
his dog is a peeking meeeee.

his is on fire
his back perspires
wont say,wont say,wont say,ok

hes always saying aint nuthin but a butt ache aint nuthin but a
fruitcake.
i never wanna hear you say,
which one of us is gay,

tell me who,
aint saying that is brian,
aint saying if your kevin,
tell me who,
hes making up a souffle,which backstreet boy is gay,
ok were all gay.


59.Im The Only Gay Eskimo

I'm the only gay eskimo＊
I'm the only one I know
I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe

I go out seal hunting with my best friend Tarka
but all I want to do is get into his parka

I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe

well, me and Nukflukchuckbuck, we both like blubber
but me, I've got this crazy fetish for rubber

I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe

I make a a wish on the northern lights
that I could find a decent pair of whale skin tights

I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe

and the seals they sing now (seal noises)
these cold winter nights, are taking their toll
I even get excited when I see the north pole (see the north
pole)

I'm the only gay eskimo (only gay eskimo)
I'm the only one I know (I'm the only one I know)
I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe


60.Make My Boobies 1 More Size

Weird Al
Miscellaneous
Make My Boobies 1 More Size
Oh boobie, boobie x2

Oh boobie boobie my chest was suppose to grow, my cleavage
wasn't right no. My boobies boobies my breast are completely foe
and now my sweater's tight ya.
Surgery, I want to be a D bigger memories I want them to show
now no bcuz.
chorus：
My chest flatness was killin me and I, I must confess I still
believe, still believe I look dirty do I'm just a child I am a
crime MAKE MY BOOBIES 1 MORE SIZE.

Oh baby baby I got double D's it's true. Now you've all been
blinded oh preety boobies your so big and oh so new that's just
the way I planned golly always known was naughty see me baby
barely wearin clothes now bcuz.
chorus：


61.TV Tan

Weird Al
Spud Gun
TV Tan
yeah ehhhh. A used, pink bathrobe, a rare, mint snowglobe, a
smurf, TV tray, that I bought on ebay. My house, is filled with,
this crap, shows up in, bubble wrap, almost every day, what I
baught on ebay. Tell me why, I need another pet rod, Tell me
why, I got that elf alarm clock, Tell me why I bid on Satner's
old dupay, they had it, on ebay. I buy, your nick-nack, just
check, my feedback, A++, they all say, they love me on ebay.
Gonna buy, a slightly damaged golf bag, some beanie babies still
with tags from some guy, i've, never met in Norway, found him,
on ebay. I am the type with, his light will dislight you, with
two seconds left, to go, woo oo. Got eight dollar visa,
whatever'll please ya, as long as i've got, the doughhhhhh, i'll
buy, your chochkies, sell me, your watch please, I'll buy, i'll
buy, i'll buy, i'll buy, I'm highest bidder! Joe keeps, his
hithing in the lane, from that, world wide garage sale, pay, a
dukes her hazard ash tray, oh yeah, I baught it on ebay. Wanna
buy, a packman fever lunch box, wanna buy, a case of fittage
tube socks,wanna buy, a kleenex used buy dr. drane, found it, on
ebay. wanna buy, that farro foscent poster, pez dispenceres and
a toaster, don't know why, the kindest of you throw away, but
i'll buy on ebay, what I baught, on ebayyyyy yy yyy.


62.Constipated (AAvril Lavigne 'Complicated' parody)

Uh huh
Extra cheese.
Uh huh. Uh huh.
Save a peice for me.

Pizza party at your house.
I went, just to check it out.
19 extra larges.
What a shame,
No one came.

Just us, eating all alone.
You said 'Take the pizza home'
No sense letting all this go to waste.
So then I faced
Pizza all day,
And everyday
There's cheese round the clock,
It's getting me blocked.
And I sure don't care for irregularity.

Tell me,
Why'd you have to go and get me so constipated？
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels
evacuated.
In the bathroom.
I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I
feel the pain.
Oh, Should I take laxatives of get my colon irrigated？
No, no, no.

I was feeling pretty down
'Till my girlfriend came around.
We're just so alike in every way,
I gotta say.
In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night.
I was kissing her so tenderly,
But woe is me,
Who would've guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddenly spy
tatooed on her thigh.
And son of a gun,
It's just like the one on me!

Tell me,
How was I supposed to know we were both related？
Belive me, If I knew she was my cousin we never would have
dated.
What to do now？
Should I go ahead and propose,
And get hitched,
And have kids with 11 toes,
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated？
No, no, no... Oooh

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind and
Try out that new roller-coaster ride
And the guide
Said not to stand,
But that's a demand that I couldn't meet.
I got on my feet,
And stood up instead,
And knocked off my head, you see.

Tell me,
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated？
This really is a major inconvinience.
Oh man, I really hate it!
It's such a drag, now,
I can't eat,
I can't breathe,
I can't snore,
I can belch or yodell any more.
I can't spin round on my nose,
Or even read sports illustrated.
Oh no.

Why i have to go and get myself all mutelated？
I gotta tell ya,
Life without a head kinda makes me irritated.
What a bummer!
I can't blink,
I can't cough,
I can't sneeze,
but my neck is enjoying a pleasant breeze now.
I havn't been the same sing my head and I were seperated.
No, no, no.


63.White and nerdy

Weird Al Yankovic
Straight Outta Lynwood
White and nerdy
They see me mowin'... my front lawn
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Can't ya see I'm white ＆ nerdy？
Look at me, I'm white ＆ nerdy
I wanna roll with... the gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Really, really white ＆ nerdy

First in my class there at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D＆D
MC Escher, that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin - to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my Top 8 spaces
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills, but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast, I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number one
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun
'Happy Days' is my favorite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon
Here's the part I sing on...

They see me roll on... my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Can't ya see I'm white ＆ nerdy？
Look at me, I'm white ＆ nerdy
I'd like to roll with... the gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
How'd I get so white ＆ nerdy？

I've been browsin', inspectin'
X-Men comics, you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized 'Holy Grail' really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doin' web sites
When my friends need some code, who do they call？
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a home page for my dog
Yo, I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop pop, hope no one sees me... gettin' freaky
I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream
I was in A／V Club and Glee Club and even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was, do I like Kirk or do I like Picard？
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin'... they laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white ＆ nerdy
Just because I'm white ＆ nerdy
Just because I'm white ＆ nerdy
All because I'm white ＆ nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white ＆ nerdy
I wanna bowl with... the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Think I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
I'm just too white ＆ nerdy
Look at me, I'm white ＆ nerdy


64.Amish Paridise

as i walk thourgh the valley where I harvest my grain I take a
look at my wife and relize


65.The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of 'American Pie')

Lyricist：Don Mclean

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack

But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar in Boss Nass

We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy

Oh my my, this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the Queen？
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two

Ooh, he was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin', my my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be

So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy

Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance, to the force？
They interviewed the kid, all training, they forbid

Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, 'Now listen here
Just stick it in your pointy ear, I still will teach this boy'

He was singin',' My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry'
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amigdala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay

We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day

And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken

And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin', my my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'

We were singin', 'My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry'
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'


66.Syndicated Inc. (Parody of 'Misery' by Soul Asylum)

Lyricist：Dave Pierner, Al (parody Lyr) Yankovic

My whole family
Loves 'Three's Company'
See the reruns constantly
There on my TV

Syndicated Incorporated

Well, I know what's on the tube
I know just what too see
Got my TV Guide with me

'MASH' and 'All In The Family'
'The Munsters' and 'Mayberry R.F.D.'
I will always be busy
Watching my TV

Oprah Winfrey talks to me
Every day at three
Then soon it'll be
'Wheel' and 'Jeopardy'

Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated

Well, I'm in such ecstasy
When I'm watchin' TV
I'm a boob tube devotee

Think I'm losin' my sanity
I'm addicted to 'Regis and Kathy Lee'
Forever I will always be
Glued to my TV

Love 'The Partridge Family'
And 'Dynasty'
And 'Laverne ＆ Shirley'
And 'Hard Copy'

Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated

Syndicated Incorporated
('MASH' and 'All In The Family')
Syndicated Incorporated
(I'm addicted to 'Regis and Kathy Lee')
Syndicated Incorporated
(Forever I will always be)
Syndicated Incorporated
(Watching my TV)
Syndicated Incorporated
(Think I'm losin' my sanity)
Syndicated Incorporated


67.Cavity Search (Parody of 'Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me' by
U2)

Lyricist：Bono, Adam Clayton, Edge, Larry Jr Mullen, Al (parody Lyr)
Yankovic

Listenin' to the Muzak
Hearin' people scream
Sittin' in the waiting room
Readin' crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root Canal

My molars are impacted
I'm gettin' gum disease
I'm gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
Can you help me？
Have mercy
Doctor, please

My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You jab at my nerve endings
It's driving me insane
Just give me nitrous oxide
Shoot me up with Novocaine
Help me out here
'Cause I'm in severe pain

Please stop for a bit
Now let me rinse and spit
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You validate my parking
I think that I'm okay
But you make one more appointment for
A week from Saturday
'Cause you came upon
A little problem on my X-Ray

It's getting absurd
Well, I hope I'm insured, now
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me


68.Trash Day (Parody of 'Hot in Herre' by Nelly)

Lyricist：Chuck Brown, Cornell Haynes, Pharell Williams, Al Yankovic

Rotten, so rotten here
So rotten, oh

It was like, the last day before trash day
My place was gettin' kinda nastay
Even though the garbage I knew would reek
(You know)
Thought that I could leave it for one more week

Then, um, I'm takin', birthday cake an'
(Oh)
Chili and greasy old bacon
Throw it all on top of the mess I been makin'
Wife's so mad, she starts to shakin'
Leaky bag, an' now that girl is gaggin'

She's naggin', 'I need you to get that stuff off the kitchen
floor
Is that too much to ask you for？'
But I see no reason why, can't let a few more weeks go by
And now garbage is piled up high
And buddy, you should see the flies, I said

There's somethin' rotten here
(Say what？)
You better hold your nose
(Oh)
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out, oh

Boy, there's a lot in here
(A lot)
And every day it grows
(Oh)
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out
(Make ya wanna throw up)

Look at all this garbage that I keep generatin'
(Come on)
I sit around all day and watch it biodegradin'
Bet there's a hundred health codes that I'm violatin'
Even my dog passed out and needed resuscitatin'

You won't believe it, take a whiff of that aroma
Sure to put you in a coma
It's so messy, can't find my toenail clippers
It's so bad, the roaches wearin' slippers

Warm, sweaty clothes piled up in this joint
Stand up by themselves at this point
It's so filthy, now baby, I can't lie
I wipe my feet before I go outside

I wonder what crawled in here and died
(You know)
Walkin' 'round barefoot, I'd be terrified
But it gives me stuff to talk about with my friends
Like 'Hey, I think them rats gettin' big', oh

There's somethin' rotten here
(Say what？)
You better hold your nose
(Oh)
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out, oh

Look what we got in here
(Now what？)
Let's watch it decompose
(Oh)
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out
(Make ya wanna throw up)

With a little bit and a little bit a
Make me wanna throw up
It makes ya wanna
Just makes ya wanna, oh

Some Lysol, some Comet
I got a mop and it's got your name on it
(What？)
I'm just kiddin', doggone it
(Oh)
Unless you gonna do it

Careful not to breathe the fumes
Check it, garbage piles are goin'
All the way to the bathroom
Turn into toxic waste sometime this afternoon
Better get a Hazmat suit and a push broom, oh

There's somethin' rotten here
(Say what？)
You better hold your nose
(Oh)
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out, oh

It's gone to pot in here
(Now what？)
Bring out the fire hose
Hey, you disgusting slob
You gotta take the trash out
(Make ya wanna throw up)

With a little bit and a little bit a
Make me wanna throw up
Give a little bit and a tiny bit a
Make ya wanna throw up

Mix a little bit a, with a molecule a
Make me wanna throw up
It makes me wanna
Just makes me wanna, oh


69.Phony Calls (Parody of 'Waterfalls' by TLC)

Lyricist：Pat Brown, Marqueze Etheridge, Lisa Lopes, Ramon Murray, Rico
Wade, Al (parody Lyr) Yankovic

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening
And you're stuck inside the house all alone
That's when you decide it might be fun to harass someone
Dial a random number up on your telephone

You ask if their refrigerator is running
Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it
Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from
They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet
Listen to me

Don't go makin' phony calls
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
I know that you think it's funny drivin' folks right up the wall
But it's really gettin' old fast

Little Melvin has a natural obsession
Askin' for Prince Albert in a can
He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call
To some guy he doesn't know who lives in Japan

He's callin' strangers up at three in the morning
Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four
He won't be laughin' when they're tracin' his line
One day the phone police will be there at his door
Yo, hear me

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
Swear someday I'm gonna yank that phone cord right out from the
wall
How long is this phase gonna last？
Come on

{Moe's Taverne - where the elite meet to drink
Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there？ Last name Rotch
Hold on I'll check
My crotch, my crotch, hey, has anybody seen my crotch lately？
Listen to me, you little puke
One of these days, I'm gonna catch you
And I'm gonna carve my name on your back with an icepick}

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
You went through the New York City phone book
And prank-called 'em all
Hope that you grow out of this fast
Grow out of this fast

Don't go makin' phoney calls
Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
But you think it's funny when you're drivin' folks right up the
wall
But you're just really gettin' old fast


70.A Complicated Song (Parody of 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne)

Lyricist：Scott Alspach, Lauren Christy, Graham Edwards, Avril Ramona
Lavigne, Weird Al Yankovic

Uh huh, extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh, save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
Nineteen extra larges
What a shame, no one came

Just us eatin' all alone
You said, 'Take the pizza home
No sense lettin' all this go to waste'
So then I faced

Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity

Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated？
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom, I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated？
No, no, no

I was feelin' pretty down
'Til my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddenly spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It's just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related？
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have
dated
What to do now？ Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated？
No, no, no
(No no, no no, no no, no no, no no)
(No no, no no, no no, no no, no no)

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide

Said not to stand
But that's a demand
That I couldn't meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated？
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh, no
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated？
(Yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer, can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No, no, no


71.It's All About the Pentiums (An Adaptation of 'It's All About the
Benjamins' By Puff Daddy)

Lyricist：Deric Angelettie, Sean Combs, Teri Etlinger, Sean Jacobs, Kim
Jones, Linda Laurie, Jason Phillips, David Styles, Christopher
Wallace, Al Yankovic

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby

What y'all wanna do？
Wanna be hackers？ Code crackers？ Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chat room yakkers
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard

Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard？
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse

Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him 'Money' for short
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what？
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato

What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito？
You're usin' a 286？ Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half？
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet

Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' 'Me too' like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby

Now, what y'all wanna do？
Wanna be hackers？ Code crackers？ Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chat room yakkers
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard

Uh, uh, loggin' in now, wanna run wit my crew, hah？
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do？
They call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box

You say you've had your desktop for over a week？
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique
Your laptop is a month old, well that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is write-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta tested every operation system
Gave props to some, and others, I dissed 'em

While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide
I believe that your says 'Etch-A-Sketch' on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
You've got your own newsgroup, 'Alt.total-loser'
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks？
Play me online？ Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby

What y'all wanna do？
Wanna be hackers？ Code crackers？ Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chat room yakkers
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard
What？


72.Jerry Springer (Parody of 'One Week' By BareNaked Ladies)

Lyricist：Ed Robertson, Alfred Matthew Yankovic

It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, did you see it last week？
Well, they had this one freak
Who suckered punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl became a total free-for-all
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee

Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance and date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes Jerry's next guest and it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother

Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like 'When Animals Attack'
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin'
blame
On the air they don't care, they've got no shame
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
Oh, which one？
All of 'em
Oh, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake
Yeah, well, well me too
Oh!
And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie
Woofie, you bitch!
Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat
That goat doesn't love you

Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation, he's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication

It's totally worthless, like a bad check, it's like a train
wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows but with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday

If you've seen the show, well, then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's 'boom'
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
'Jerry, Jerry', now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV？ I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise, when
Some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed a bunch of psychic
Porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger


73.Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi

Lyricist：Brian Keith Holland, Al Yankovic

(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last
But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to die for he really knows his shtick

So how's by you？ Have you seen this Jew？
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Workin' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day

Just say, 'Vay iz mir' and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer
And maybe bagels with some shmear
Just grab your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly
(For a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain,'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oh, he'll make you such a deal

People used to scoff, now they say, 'Mazel tov'
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like？ What's not to like？

On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
Put on your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say, he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite chip
The parents pay the moyal and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie？)
Oy vey, oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says,'Shalom'
And 'Have some cake, you want some cake？'

Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz
So grab your yamulkah, the one you got for Chanukah
Let's put on our yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing


74.Grapefruit Diet (Parody of 'Zoot Suit Riot' By Cherry Poppin'
Daddies)

Lyricist：Steve Perry

Who's that waddlin' down the street
It's just me 'cause I love to eat
Fudge and twinkies and deviled ham
Who's real flabby, yes, I am

Every picture of me's gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me, there's just one thing left to do

Grapefruit diet, throw out the pizza and beer
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, oh, forget those jelly donuts out of here
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, might seem a little severe
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, I'm gettin' tired of my big fat rear, blow,
fatty
(Diet)

Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck

When I'm all done eating, I eat a little more
When I leave a room, first I gotta grease the door

Grapefruit diet, can't have another eclair
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, I gotta decrease my derriere
(Diet)

I'm on a Grapefruit diet
I'm on a Grapefruit diet
I'm on a Grapefruit diet

No more pie now, no more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy and souffle
No French fries now, no ice cream parfait
Mr. Cheese Nacho, stay away

Oh, I think I'd sell my soul for a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang when I put on my belt

Grapefruit diet, lay off the 3 Musketeers
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, until my big booty disappears
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet, I eat 'em till they're comin' out of my ears
(Diet)
Grapefruit diet 'cause I haven't seen my feet in years
(Diet)

I'm on a Grapefruit diet
I'm on a Grapefruit diet
I'm on a Grapefruit diet

I think I'm about ready for a Quarter Pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings and don't fet to super-size
that, yeah


75.Gump (Parody of 'Lump' by the Presidents of the United States)

Lyricist：Christopher Weldo Ballew, David Michael Dederer, Jason S
Finn, Alfred Matthew Yankovic

Gump sat alone on a bench in the park
'My name is Forrest', He'd casually remark
Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his pockets
He just kept sayin' life is like a box of chocolates

He's Gump, he's Gump
What's in his head？
He's Gump, he's Gump, he's Gump
Is he inbred？

Gump was a big celebrity
He told JFK that he really had to pee
He never feels too dumb because
His mom always told him stupid is as stupid does

He's Gump, he's Gump
He's kinda square
He's Gump, he's Gump, he's Gump
What's with that hair？

Run, run, run, run, now Forrest
Run, run, run like the wind now
Run, run, run, run, now Forrest
Run, stop

His buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin' man
His friend with no legs he called Lieutenant Dan
His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut
Went to the White House, showed L B J his butt

He's Gump, he's Gump
He's not too bright
He's Gump, he's Gump, he's Gump
But he's alright

Is this Gump out of his head？ I think so
Is this Gump really brain dead？ I think so, yeah
Did this Gump make lots of bread？ I think so
And that's all I have to say about that


76.Homer ＆ Marge

Lyricist：John Mellencamp

Little ditty 'bout Homer ＆ Marge
Her heart was as big as his stomach was large
Oh yeah, they say, 'Love goes on
Long after the grilled cheese sandwich is gone'

That's the story 'bout Homer ＆ Marge
Two folks I helped out for a nominal charge
After Homer went gay, they patched up their schism
But the dude never dealt with his alcoholism

Weird Al sayin', 'Oh yeah, the credits go on
Long after the viewer's interest is gone'
Oh yeah, Weird Al had fun on this show
Even if it was just a brief cameo


77.Amish Paradise (Parody of 'Gangsta's Paradise' by Coolio)

Lyricist：Jr., Artis Ivey, Doug Rasheed, Larry Sanders, Stevie Wonder,
Alfred Matthew Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4：30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool!
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude？ You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool!

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise

There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous？ Think you're pure in heart？
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art

I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise


78.Angry White Boy Polka (Medley)

Lyricist：Niklas Almqvist, Arthur Henry Baker, Afrika Bambaataa, Eric
Barrier, Wesley Louden Borland, David Buckner, Julian
Casablancas, Tommy Coster, Leor Dimant, John Hovig Dolmayan, Dan
Donegan, David Michael Draiman, William Frederick Durst, Jr.,
Michael Elizondo, Tobin Esperance, William Griffin, Jr., Jerry
Horton, Steve Kmak, Jason Edward Krause, Aarron Lewis, Daron
Malakian, Marshall Mathers Iii, John Miller, Craig Robert
Nicholls, Shavarsh Odadjian, John Everett Otto, David James
Parker, Robert Ritchie, Samuel Robert Rivers, John Robie, Sylvia
Robinson, Jacoby Shaddix, Matthew Shafer, Serj Tankian, Michael
Wengren, John Anthony White, Alfred Matthew Yankovic, Andre
Young

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a ＊＊＊＊ if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Nothing's all right, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

Wake up
(Wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(Hide the scars to fade away the shake up)
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table？
Here you go create another fable

(You wanted to)
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
(You wanted to)
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
(You wanted to)
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table？
(You wanted to)

I don't think you trust
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die
Die, die, die, die, die, hey

I'm gonna get free, I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free, ride into the sun
She never loved me, she never loved me
She never loved me, why should anyone？

(Come here, come here, come here)
I'll take your photo for ya
(Come here, come here, come here)
Drive you around the corner

(Come here, come here, come here)
You know you really oughta
(Come here, come here, come here)
Move out to California

Do what I want 'cause I can
If I don't because I wanna
Be ignored by the stiff and the bored
Because I'm gonna

Hate to say I told you so, alright
Do believe I told you so
Now it's all out and you knew
'Cause I wanted to

Fell in love with a girl
I fell in love at once and almost completely
She's in love with the world
But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading

Can't think of anything to do
Yeah, my left brain knows that our love is fleeting
She's just looking for something new, yeah
I said it once before but it bears repeating now

Last night, she said
'Oh baby, don't you feel so down
(Feel so down)
When you turn me off
(Turn me off)
When I feel left out'

So I
(What'd you do？)
Well, I turned around
(Right around)
'Oh, baby, gonna be alright'
(Be alright)

It was a great big lie
(Big old lie)
'Cause I left that night
Yeah

Ooh, ah ah ah ah
Ooh, ah ah ah ah

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate and let it flow into me

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift that has been given to me

We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk

This time I'ma let it all come out
This time I'ma stand up and shout
I'ma do things my way
It's my way, my way or the highway

This time I'ma let it all come out
This time I'ma stand up and shout
I'ma do things my way
It's my way or the highway

But I'm on the outside, I'm lookin' in
I can see through you, see your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly, ugly like me
I can see through you, see to the real you

Bawitdaba da bang da, dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
Bawitdaba da bang da, dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie

We are, we are, the youth of the nation
We are, we are, the youth of the nation
We are, we are, the youth of the nation
We are the youth of the nation, hey

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up？

'Cos I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please
Please, please stand up？

Slim Shady, won't you please stand up？
(Stand up, Shady)
(Stand up, Shady)
(Stand up, Shady)
Shady, won't you please stand up？ Hey!


79.E-Bay

Lyricist：Andreas Carlsson, Max Martin

Yeah, a used pink bathrobe
A rare mint snow globe
A Smurf TV tray
I bought on E-Bay

My house is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on E-Bay

Tell me why I need another pet rock
Tell me why I got that Alf alarm clock
Tell me why I bid on Shatner's old toupee
They had it on E-Bay

I'll buy your knick-knack
Just check my feedback
'A plus plus' they all say
They love me on E-Bay

Gonna buy a slightly-damaged golf bag
Gonna buy some Beanie Babies, new with tag
From some guy, I've never met in Norway
Found him on E-Bay

I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever'll please
As long as I've got the dough

I'll buy your Tchotchkes
Sell me your watch, please
I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy
I'm highest bidder now

Junk keeps arriving in the mail
From that worldwide garage sale
Hey, A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray
Oh yeah, bought it on E-Bay

Wanna buy a PacMan Fever lunchbox
Wanna buy a case on vintage tube socks
Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre
Found it on E-Bay

Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcet poster
Pez dispensers and a toaster
Don't know why the kind of stuff you throw away
I'll buy on E-Bay

What I bought on E-Bay


80.Hooker On Corner

weird ya yankovic
Miscellaneous
hooker on corner
(I'm a hoe)
I'm a hoe
Yes I am baby
I wear skimpy clothing it's very tight
I work all night I was out tonight
Waiting for someone to pay me
You've probably seen me everywhere
I don't even wear clean underwear
My pimp doesn't care (doesn't care)
I'm a hoe
My pimp says work bitch
Hoe (uh)
But my heart is saying no
If you wanna freak with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a hooker on the corner
Look at my teeth decay
If you wanna be with me
Baby you have got to see
You can get a case of shingles
And a bad STD
I'm a hooker on the corner baby
My pimp says I'm fat and lazy
I'm a hooker on the corner baby
Come, come, come on and pick me up


81.The Rye And The Kaiser

Fat and weak, what a disgrace
Guess the champ got too lazy
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say

Try the rye or the kaiser, they're our special tonight
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our salami and the liver's alright
And they'd really go well with the rye or the kaiser

Never eats while on the job
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kebab
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Still he dreams of his past days of glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering adviser
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser

The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser
...


82.The Check's In The Mail

Lyricist：Al Yankovic

Well, hey how ya doin' have a seat, have a drink
Boy it's good to see you, what can I say？
Oh, sorry gotta run we'll get together again
Say, what was your name anyway？

Well we're working on the problem, we'll get back to you soon
But don't try to call me I'll be in a meeting every afternoon
For a year maybe longer keep in touch
Thanks for dropping by and have a nice day

The check's in the mail, hey! You're beautiful
Don't ever change you know what I mean
My girl will call your girl we'll talk, we'll do lunch
Or leave a message on my machine
So baby won't you sign on the dotted line
I'm gonna make your dreams come true
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you？

Well hey wait a minute what's the matter hold on
You want me to fork over the loot？
You say you hate my guts you wanna take me to court
And you got yourself a lawyer with a three-piece suit？

Well I'm proud to say you're not the only critic of mine, yeah
So if you wanna sue me I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait in
line
Take a number thanks for calling who loves you baby
Don't forget to read the fine print

The check's in the mail, hey! You're beautiful
Don't ever change you know what I mean
My girl will call your girl we'll talk, we'll do lunch
Or leave a message on my machine
So baby won't you sign on the dotted line
I'm gonna make your dreams come true
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you？
Oh, trust me!

The check's in the mail, hey! You're beautiful
Don't ever change you know what I mean
Why don't you leave a message with my girl
I'll have lunch with your machine
So baby won't you sign on the dotted line
I'm gonna make your dreams come true
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you？
The check's in the mail, would I lie to you？